The Upstate Life
The Upstate Life

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Wimpster, It's The New Emo Kid

I'm sure we've all heard some interesting labels. You have your hipster, the metrosexual, the shoe-gazing concertgoer, etc...but what about the Wimpster? Be prepared to call out some of those individuals at the next Alkaline Trio show you're at because you might very well run into one. The Washington Post's Peter Carlson introduced TUL to the term in an article that defines these hyperventilating, nerdcore female stalkers.

The Wimpster, writes Rachel Elder, "is a man who has perfected his own male insecurity in an effort to manipulate women. He is a man who uses self-deprecation and vulnerability to prey upon a woman's need to nurture his massive ego."

At first, a Wimpster seems appealing because he's sensitive and soft-spoken. "Initially," Elder writes, "these guys can seem super 'deep.' You'll probably receive a mixed tape or have song lyrics quoted to you during the initial courting sessions."

  • TUL's Wimpster Giveaway #1 - Has Chris Carrabba poster hanging up in his room along with several Get Up Kids ticket stubs on dresser.

  • Soon, however, the Wimpster reveals that his sensitivity is merely a ruse, clever camouflage for a "passive/aggressive stalker type." Common Wimpster traits include "a caved-in chest, vitamin deficiency, chronic allergies, the soft scent of BO mixed with Tide."

  • TUL's Wimpster Giveaway #2 - Ultra skinny dude wearing vintage Urban Outfitters t-shirt that smells like Fabreeze, also sporting crooked trucker hat.

  • As for sex with the Wimpster -- don't even bother. Elder goes into far more detail than we can print in a family newspaper. But she does offer this G-rated summing up: "Having sex with a Wimpster is like cramming an emo record into a knapsack on the bus."

    I'm not quite sure what that exactly means, nor does the writer of the article, but yet somehow I can easily agree that it's probably the best definition out there right now. The article also states that apparently Moby is a celebrity Wimptster. I know, what a shocker.

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