The Upstate Life
The Upstate Life

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Break Yo Self, Concert Fool!

David Segal, the Washington Post music critic that also moonlights as a hater (sans the Franz concert, for which he surprisingly gave a favorable review), has written an article in today's paper justifying his disgust for "The Concert Fool." It seems the unspoken etiquette of concerts must be addressed to those who are unaware, though I'm sure the majority of people out there have already obtained that information from comment boards on various blogs, or just use simple common sense.

There is no escaping the Concert Fool. He (and every once in a while, she) is the chronic carbuncle on the butt of rock, an inflammation that makes it hard to really get comfortable. The Concert Fool is either unglued by music, or drunk, or unaware of the invisible line that separates civilization from anarchy. Or aware of the line but past caring about it. Mostly, the Concert Fool is having a great time because these guys rawwwwk and because it's a concert and up top, dude. Rock and roll!

I'm sure we've all had our experiences with this type of concertgoer, but Mr. Segal has taken it upon himself to break down the Fool into seven self-explanatory categories, each of which would easily piss the majority of fans off at the next Deathcab show. Here are the "sinful seven":

  • 1) - The Singer -- Wants the world to know he's got a great voice. So he sings. Really, really loud, during the lulls, during the shrieks.

  • 2) - The Reckless Smoker -- A cigarette is a dangerous weapon around people packed together tight.

  • 3) - The Angler -- They arrived late, and they don't want to stand in the back. So the Anglers connive to get close to the stage, which is tricky -- and rude -- at a show that's sold out.

  • 4) - The Requestaholic -- They came for one song, and they're going to hear that song if it kills them.

  • 5) - The Talker -- The bane of nearly every show. A shocking number of ticket buyers regard rock concerts as ideal moments to catch up with friends.

  • 6) - The Stander -- Ordinarily, this is not a big deal. But if everyone else is sitting, it can lead to violence.

  • 7) - The Grabber -- One who grabs.

  • All and all it's a good overview of who to hate on, but he seemed to overlook The Uninterested Gazer. For instance, there was this girl at the Franz show that was in her boyfriend's arms the entire time... facing against the stage, not even turning her head towards the band once! What are CD players and apartments for again? I forgot.

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