The Upstate Life
The Upstate Life

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Is That A Shotgun In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Due to a lack of quality Craigslist postings lately (at least in the DC area), I was determined to find something that possessed some redeeming value. Good thing you can always count on Yahoo News to deliver the proverbial goods. The headline, "Man Jailed for Shooting Off His Testicles", is pure gold. The story that follows, makes it even that more hilarious.

A British man who accidentally shot himself in the testicles after drinking 15 pints of beer was jailed for five years on Tuesday for possessing an illegal firearm, a court spokesman said.

David Walker, 28, was arguing with a friend at a pub in South Yorkshire, northern England, when he went home to get his sawed-off shotgun, which he jammed into his trousers.

But as he walked back to the pub, the gun went off, blasting pellets into his testicles. Doctors later removed what remained of his testicles during emergency surgery.

First off, 15 pints??? The dude must've not even realized his cash and prizes were missing until he sobered up and realized that he was in a hospital room filled with nurses trying to hold in their laughter when staring at this huge piece of gauze wrapped around his crotch. That has to be one of the worst scenarios, ever. Not only did doctors have to remove "what remained of his testicles", but then he gets shipped off to jail to boot. The bar has dedicated a new shot in Mr. Walker's honor since he was such a loyal patron. Five pounds will buy you a nice, stiff "Ballbuster".

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